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Episode 227: Is Trust a Concern in Your Divorce?

Is Trust a Concern in Your Divorce?

In this 2023 episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast, you will learn the following: 
Trust is a concern in every relationship. From the trust we place in our restaurant takeout orders being correct, to the trust we place in our children when they’re not in our care, to the trust we place in our medical professionals, the clergy, to the huge trust we place in our spouses to always behave in a way that is respectful, caring, and protective of us. 
When our trust is broken in any of our important relationships, we’re crushed. Our whole emotional and physical systems quiver. We are emotionally off-balance. We are no longer comfortable in those relationships.
Now divorce is imminent. And trust is on the line. We second-guess ourselves because we no longer trust our decision-making. All sorts of questions run through our minds: “Did we really know the person we married? Did we miss clues that should have made us suspicious? Was it something I did and didn’t realize it was causing a problem?” Or, if there was no event that broke the marriage, just two people growing apart, distrust still creeps in because divorce is generally a foreign environment, a language filled with words we don’t typically use, and we have to make really important decisions about money, co-parenting, and living as single people again. Fear rears its ugly head and distrust is the new emotion. 
Trust can take on a whole new meaning in our lives if we start with trusting ourselves to be able to deal with the divorce, the future, and a new life. Life is full of challenges, and divorce is one of them. We can get through any challenge if we find a support system of professionals who can put fear and distrust in its place, and help create a foundation in us to tap into our inner strength and resilience, and respond to the decision-making in divorce in an affirmative, focused, honest way. 
We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We may need the help of a divorce coach or a therapist to bring that resilience forward, but it’s there in every one of us. 

If your marriage is ending simply because you’ve both grown apart, distrust still makes its way into your brains because you are no longer working as a team, a unit moving forward together. You are now two individuals who are dividing your stuff, expensive stuff, stuff that was accumulated over quite a few years. You’re not used to this dynamic. The brain goes into protective mode, fight or flight, and you no longer trust each other, even though neither of you have done anything to breach trust.

In this case, remember, you are the same good people you have been. No need to distrust one another. But definitely a time to assert the personal power you have and be vocal, be supportive of yourself, be kind and generous, but be mindful that you are both equally scared, regardless of the posturing of the other spouse. Everyone is scared. No one is secure in divorce.

Trust in yourself will allow you to trust someone else again.  
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