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Episode 226: Solutions Can Be Simple if You’re Honest

Solutions Can Be Simple if You’re Honest 

Episode 226: Solutions Can Be Simple if You’re Honest
Divorce is a series of decisions. Starting with the emotional tone of the divorce: Are you filing while you’re angry and wanting to hurt your spouse, or do you look at your divorce as a necessary life change that can help both you and your spouse to grow better? It’s never a good idea to start the filing until you’ve calmed down, gone through the divorce grief stages, maybe, possibly, hopefully forgiven yourself and/or your spouse.
The centerpiece to all of the decisions in a divorce is honesty. When both spouses can talk before filing and sort out their feelings honestly, the settlement will be so much easier. It still may take some negotiating, but the conversation will be easier because the emotions of the divorce have been settled. It’s those unresolved emotions that affect the tone of the divorce, the litigious extent of the divorce, and the financial cost of the divorce. 

A more correct reality of the marriage and why it has to conclude unfolds in a heartfelt conversation to end the marriage. Blame is stripped away. Anger subsides, forgiveness and understanding move into our hearts when we can openly, honestly, and without blame or justification for past actions and decisions, simply speak from each spouse’s perspective. Everyone has their own perspective on the meaning and purpose of events that shape our lives; and that perspective must be spoken and accepted. People can look at one event and process it differently.
The important conversation may come at different points in the settling of the emotional part of the divorce. It may not come in the very first conversation. It may come after several conversations, but when it does come, it will change the trajectory of the divorce, and the way each spouse thinks of each other and behaves towards each other going forward. 
It’s crucial that the divorce is used to grow. Growing in a way that allows for more self-awareness so that the next relationship fulfills people in a more specific way. Or if no other relationship is sought, then let it be growth that simply reveals parts of oneself that help in the overall journey in this life.   
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