Recipe for a Heart-Healthy Divorce lists the compartmentalization of time as a key ingredient in an amicable divorce.
When people file for divorce their emotions are out of control, their communication is compromised, and their time is unbalanced – unless time is approached in a very different and self-serving way. Controlling the time assigned for divorce is key in controlling emotions and communication.
The operative word is “assigned” when speaking about how time is divided between work, children, a personal life, and the divorce. Divorce cannot be multi-tasked into a daily schedule. Divorce has to have its own assigned time when nothing else is going on: Not at work, not while helping the children with homework, and not while driving.
Time management is ultimately important while in the filing and mediation stages of the divorce. Why? Because sound legal decisions cannot be made unless the mind is free and clear of all distractions. Focus and attention must be prioritized so that all aspects and consequences of decision-making can be exactly what is intended and right for the decision-maker.
If there is ever a time to be proprietary about how time is divided it’s during the filing of a divorce. There is nothing selfish about prioritizing time and designating a part of the day or week to return emails, texts, and calls; to complete paperwork; and to attend mediations, hearings, and depositions. And it’s for everyone’s benefit that each spouse creates a schedule that puts divorce work in its own place.
The important part of scheduling is consistency. Once the time for divorce is created in a daily or weekly calendar, then everyone on the divorce team, who has been told about the designation of time for the divorce, will expect that schedule to be upheld. If there is consistency in sticking with the schedule, life can function better while divorce is playing out.
Nobody should feel forced to respond to the divorce team while at work. Work time is a commitment made to the employer and/or to clients. Work comes first. Divorce comes second. If pressure is applied by the soon-to-be former spouse to work faster and use work time to engage in paperwork, an explanation of why work cannot be interrupted by divorce obligations is necessary. That’s all that needs to be said. If the right legal professionals are hired, they will understand that employment work comes first. But, and here’s the big but, there has to be consistency in following through on the self-appointed schedule. There can be no excuses for not responding within the time provided for divorce work.
Compartmentalizing Time will provide a better life quality during divorce, and can help in developing a skill that can be used in any conflict. Part of this is Mindfulness, and part of this is simply scheduling. Have the confidence and the courage to take charge of your time.
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