Marriage can either be a place where you can flourish and grow, or it can be a place in which you have to sublimate yourself, give up your true identity and means of expression, and assume roles that limit your ability to be self-expressive, making choices for everyone else’s good but yours.
Our guest this week, Wendy Sterling, has a mantra: “Stand in your own identity. In order to do that we must know our core values.” Well, this begs the question, “How?” How do we know our core values enough to define our identity and the roles we choose to play leaving the marriage.
Here are some tips for understanding who we are and defining our core values:
- List all those activities that make you happy.
- List activities that don’t make you fulfilled, possibly angry, even if it’s the relationship(s) you have.
- Visualize how you would like to live your day from the time you wake up until you go to bed
- Consider alternatives to activities that don’t fulfill you.
- Change your life circumstance in whatever way you can now, reassess, and then continue to change as needed until you have created your day, your roles, your relationships, and your career. Take the risk necessary to be happy.
- Document your journey through this reidentification period to use as a mirror of self-reflection.
- Be ready to let go of anything that depletes your energy and creates a false narrative of your authentic self. Your real friends and supportive family won’t leave you if you decide to make necessary changes to your life for your greatest happiness. In fact, they will support you. Those in our life who cannot accept your changes only love you conditionally. Now who needs that!
Owning your truth, how you define yourself, the choices you make for your best life, can only be done if you stop being a victim, stop blaming anyone for your life situation, communicate honestly and congenially, and take responsibility for all of your life choices.
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Wendy Sterling Biography
Wendy Sterling is a certified divorce specialist and grief consultant who has helped thousands of women design a life they choose instead of feeling stuck in the one their ex left them with. After ending her own sixteen-year marriage, Wendy saw first-hand the lack of support divorced women experience in moving through pain, fear and anger to experience joy, self-worth and freedom again. She channeled her energy into building a six-figure business in just two years that helps women heal their wounds, end their victim mindset and reclaim their identity.
Wendy’s expertise has been featured in more than 100 media outlets including NBC, Hello Divorce, Romper, Moms Moving On, The Smart Women Show and more. She is also the host of her own podcast, The Divorced Woman’s Guide, which has had over 70,000 downloads in less than two years. Wendy has also hosted summits, appeared on stages (virtual and in person), and facilitated workshops for companies across the country.
When she’s not showing her clients how to turn the most painful moment of their lives into the most empowered moment in their lives, you can find her spending quality time with her two teen boys in Los Angeles, California. Her forthcoming book, I Do, I Did, I’m Done, is due out June 22nd, 2022.
Tik Tok: @divorcerehabwithwendy