Listen Here: https://judyweigle.podbean.com/e/khloe-kardashian-trust-forgiveness-are-her-brand/
Relationships are hard enough on a good day, but when trust is broken, how do you get back to the relationship without the key, forgiveness? You don’t. Can’t have one without the other in order to repair a relationship and to restore trust again.
But is trust ever the same? Is the feeling of trusting someone who decided their partner in the relationship even possible? The experts say, “Yes,” but with conditions. The conditions being that the deceiver go to therapy and figure out why the deception happened in the first place. Then the deceiver has to go through a transformation that is authentic and obvious for a period of time in order to earn the trust back.
As a divorced person, and a former music producer for private events like Beverly Hills weddings, I rethought the idea of trust and what it maybe should really be. I remember many, many wedding ceremonies that I attended in which I said to myself, “I think trust should be redefined. I don’t think our concept and understanding of trust is realistic.” Here’s where I’m coming from…We’re human, fallible, and on a journey for self-improvement. We make mistakes. We do things that hurt the ones we love. We don’t mean to, but we operate in a vacuum at times, only thinking of our own immediate needs and desires, not about how our actions can hurt our partner. We know what we’re doing on a conscious level will hurt our loved ones if they knew what we were doing, but we do it anyway. We justify our behavior. We think our behavior will never be known, foolish as that is, but there are times when behavior can be covered up for years. I’m sure you know of marriages in which a years-long affair is finally uncovered, shocking the other spouse, and effectively ending the relationship.
Here’s how I would rewrite the wedding vows: I trust that we’ll have relationship challenges that will rock us to the core. I don’t want them but I am realistic enough to think that we will have them. At this time, as we embark on our relationship journey of marriage, I am willing to say that I will give the relationship another try if and when a relationship challenge occurs. I may need your help remembering this pledge because relationship hurt is huge hurt. And I hope you do the same for me. This is a wedding vow of a different color. This is rooted in reality.
Relationships are a daily work in progress, and a blanket statement of ‘I’ll always trust you’ isn’t realistic. Trust will be tested. We have to be ready for that test.
The way to get through the trust test is forgiveness. You can’t re-trust without forgiveness. Forgiveness opens the door to the idea of trust once again. We have to forgive our flawed partner so that our hearts can be available to love him/her again. The only way to provide forgiveness is to go inside ourselves and acknowledge our own humanity, and to understand that we want our imperfections and hurtful actions to be forgiven, too.
The biggest trick for me, and maybe for you, too, is to not overreact to situations that give us what we feel may be red flags: Coming home from work a little later than normal; stepping outside of a routine; changing a routine. When trust is broken, we constantly look for signs that the hurtful behavior is taking place again. It’s dizzying and maddening, but as a result of providing forgiveness, we come out of fraudulent relationships stronger. We come closer to the truth we want to live.
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