I had no idea that lawyers were concerned about getting shot by the opposing spouse in a litigated divorce case. The more I advance this topic to family law professionals, especially attorneys, I get a resounding, “Yes, we are worried about this” and then go on to tell stories about the lawyers who they know have been shot.
And why is this phenomenon taking place? Because the spouse of the targeted attorney didn’t reveal to their attorney that their soon-to-be order spouse had issues: Anger management, high conflict personality, had fire arms, substance abuse, inability to be self-reflective and repentant, blamed others for everything, and didn’t want the divorce. All things the attorney needed to know in order to protect him/herself.
There’s a difference between going to extremes in describing the other spouse, perhaps in the attempt to have more parenting time with the children, to create a negative impression of their spouse to manipulate the negotiation, and divulging information that would not only protect the attorney, but the children, as well.
People don’t operate in a vacuum. People can only contain themselves for a while, and then the true nature of people comes out. The longer the divorce takes, the more the true nature of people is revealed.
Tracy Ann Moore-Grant, Esq., our guest for this episode, said something prescient. She said that the people responsible for creating an amicable divorce are the professionals who are hired to work with the spouses in any capacity: Attorneys, Mediators, Forensics, Accountants. The goal of the spouses to have an amicable divorce is intrinsic to the process, but if the professionals aren’t as aware and committed to amicable, then the spouses won’t accomplish their goals unless they replace any of the professionals who let them down.
A history of domestic violence in the marriage, be it emotional or physical, can lead to child abduction. Children become the victims of the anger one spouse harbors over the other spouse. Anger needs to go somewhere, and there aren’t that many outlets for it to go: The other spouse, the other spouse’s attorney, and the children.
It is out of a concern for safety that every spouse must be open, honest, and clear with their attorneys about the volatile nature of their spouse. It is out of concern for the attorney, the children, and the victim spouse to prevent violence any way they can by informing their attorneys and other divorce professionals about the potential for harm from their spouse.
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Tracy Ann Moore-Grant Biography
Tracy Ann Moore-Grant, Esq. is the founder of the Amicable Divorce Network, established to address a growing need to assist clients who desire to keep their divorce low conflict and to effectively connect them to professionals who are vetted for having a resolution mindset so parties can avoid unnecessary and expensive litigation. The professionals in the Amicable Divorce Network design both the timeline and team for the divorcing parties based on their needs and finances. Ms. Moore-Grant is passionate about helping families navigate the difficult process of divorce in a respectful and family-focused manner and now represents clients exclusively in amicable and uncontested cases. She is also a mediator, arbitrator, parent coordinator, divorce consultant and guardian ad litem.
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