On this episode of THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast this is what we learned:
When we get divorced a shift happens in us. We change emotionally. True, we grow every day if we allow ourselves to learn, adjust, revise or change something in our thinking and in our behavior that allows growth to take place. So, too, in divorce, a major shift in our lives, becomes an agent and impetus for change.
When we don’t acknowledge change, and don’t let life events be the force that guides us down our life paths, we’re stuck. We don’t learn. We become angry because we’re resisting the change that needs to take place and help us learn and grow. Divorce can help us learn and grow to be the best people we can be.
Asking for what we want and need emotionally, in terms of intimacy, in regard to open communication, and in a relationship that allows for the trust necessary to be able to communicate our needs, is essential in a healthy relationship. If after many attempts in the current or most recent relationship to ask for what we emotionally want and not be able to achieve it, it’s time to move on.
In the dissolution of a marriage, we should be introspective about ourselves. Questions to ask ourselves is how we contributed to the end of the marriage? Were we always open to meeting the needs of our spouses? What we were looking for in the first marriage, was it healthy? Was it what we wanted or what we thought we should want? Did we see problems in the relationship prior to marriage? If so, why did we continue on and get married?
Both spouses bring emotional baggage to the relationship. One spouse maybe more than the other. But regardless of the proportion, how will divorce be used to help growth take place? That’s the important part of divorce: Growth Going Forward.
Using divorce to grow is working in the positive. We are not the same people after divorce. We can’t be the same people after divorce because major life events change us on a cellular level. That takes place without our permission. What needs our permission is the acceptance and awareness that we are changed, and to use this shift to morph into our next phase of life, a life with new perspectives.
It’s fun to walk into the unknown future with a new attitude, a new way of communicating, different life goals, and the awareness that good stuff can come of tough circumstance.
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